Archive | 12:06 am

drained

28 Aug

No matter how much better i felt compared to the initial shock, no, im not okay.

I dont think i’ll ever be ok just yet. the disappointment is just too massive. i shouldnt have gotten my hopes high. or even hope at all. its just too shocking to comprehend. and i only have myself to blame. i think i need more than a pair of eyes.

And it doesnt make me feel any better that there are still 75% of the whole batch sitting for degree exam with me. That i still have one more shot. That there are many other who did the same mistakes as me. That many are in the same shoes as me.

My motivation is like MinusInfinity right now. I felt like ive done everything i could, studied everything there is to study. Everything was correct this time. At least i didnt kill anybody. I just somehow conveniently overlooked some legal details that ive always SCRUTINISED and very SURE about before handling up my Rx. I just couldnt believe my eyes when i saw it. The whole exam scene kept replaying in my head thinking when and how did i missed that technical administration error that costed me my exemption.

I know i made it sound like a big deal. It is to me. What bothers me most is not the exemption part. Its me and my active blind spot that bothers me most. I never felt like flushing my head down the toiletbowl before. Nobody will understand. Theyre not in my shoes. I trulymadlydeeply hope that history would not repeat itself. Even though i think i did ok in my over-the-counter video exam its not gonna be enough to save my ass. i NEED to get more than a pass to pass overall. sigh

PLs pLS pLS pLs pls, God pls bless me that i’ll pass my degree pp3. Even though its not counted in the degree at the end of the day but i need to pass this thing to graduate.I have to stop disappointing my family and most importantly myself. I need to stop making superduperultramassivestupid old mistakes and NOT create any new ones. i’ll really be good. i promise.

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