just for laughs

28 Apr


• I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she’s interested in, she said: Check books.

• Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble in the flat where they lived. The judge called for orderly testimony. “I’ll hear the oldest first,” he decreed. The case was closed for lack of evidence.

• What is the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink.

• When the best actors are chosen by other actors, it’s called the Oscars. When the best actors are chosen by the people, it’s called an election.

• A boy tells his mom that he seen a boy & a girl sitting at the top of the roof & kissing. Then his mom tell him that they are gonna get married. Then the boy asks his mom: When is dad gonna marry the maid?

• “Take a pencil and paper,” the teacher said, “and write an essay with the title ‘If I Were a Millionaire’ ” Everyone but Philip, who leaned back with arms folded, began to write furiously. “What’s the matter,” the teacher asked. “Why don’t you begin?” “I’m waiting for my secretary,” he replied.

• Wife’s definition of retirement: Twice as much husband on half as much pay.

• Q: What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

• Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal

• At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I hv lst my hand, oh!
Santa: Control urself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

• A blonde was being admonished by the doctor: Until the penicillin cleans out ur infection, u r to have no relations whatsoever! Pausing for a moment, blonde replied: Ok, but what about friends & neighbors?

and then theres one liners….


  • Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.
  • Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
  • They said we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried- but they wanted cash.
  • A child’s greatest period of growth is the month after you’ve purchased new school uniforms.
  • Don’t feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
  • Don’t marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without… but whatever you do, you’ll regret it later.
  • You can’t buy love. . But you pay heavily for it.
  • Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
  • Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
  • My wife and I always compromise. I admit I’m wrong and she agrees with me.
  • Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
  • It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
  • They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.
  • Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

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